"Pets are like Iraq" I said this and I meant it, but not quite in the way it was taken. "We probably shouldn't have gone in there in the first place but now we are we can't just pull out."
I have a problematic relationship to pets. I love animals. I grew up in a family that valued animals more than humans. I slept beside one animal or another and always had more than one pet. My pet ferret was my closest companion for a while. I told him everything and took him for walks in the park on a little lead. Pets were important to me and my family still surround themselves with animals.
Animals make their lives smaller. They can't go out of the house for too long because of the pets. They can't all leave at once for a family trip because the dogs will fret. Cleaning the animal cages takes half their day. A replacement for work. A replacement for friendships.
When we domesticated animals we were playing god. We were shaping the world in our image. How sad for a pet to live its whole life without the pack or the paired union. Imagine being plucked from your natural family and kept alone amongst another species. A dog in the wild would hunt and mate and raise a family. A dog in a human house will live a sexless existence, infantalised forever. No matter how much you love it, its development has been arrested. Like Iraq, we should never have gone into owning pets in the first place, but like Iraq now we are in there how can we get out? We can't just abandon the dogs and the cats and the ponies. We can't just set them to roam free in packs through the streets. I also love the idea of a kitten or a puppy of my own, a child replacement perhaps, but still something vulnerable to love.
It is very complicated. Now that we have them, what are they to us? What if your pet Alsation wants to be sexual with you, the only other animal in sight? What if you want to be sexual in return? You in your loveless house judged too old or too ugly or too odd for the company of another human being? Who am I to say that your dog can not have sex with you? Sex is natural to all animals, a need and a desire. If this kind of inter-species love is reciprocated then who am I to judge. Now that we are in there how can we just pull out? What is the right thing to do? What is so wrong with it anyway?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Why write this? Do I even care?
Do I care that there is very little written about zoophilia and literary fiction? Is it the act of sex between a human and an animal that attracts me?
I think it is more about the idea of the unspeakable. The idea that there is an unspeakable thing. I am always drawn towards what can't be said. It is my job to find the words because there are always words to be found. I remember being fascinated by the idea of describing colour. It must have been primary school, I remember sitting in class and imagining how you would speak red or blue or my favourite colour, that colour of the sea when it is not blue and not green but something close to both those colours and with sunlight infusing the whole palate with a kind of glow.
Perhaps the idea of animal sex is like the idea of speaking colour. When I watch the pornographic images on the forbidden websites I shake my head. This isn't the language of bestial love. There is no love for one thing, there is little pleasure for another. I prefer to imagine still images, the image of a collie leaping into the air to catch a stick, all that playfulness and erratic energy, the image of a child curled into a canine hug, the image of a girl with her head resting on the shoulder of her pony, the slick of sweat outlining flank and cheek. The gorgeousness of transgression, the joy of it, and yet, also the darkness, the fear, the hidden thought of it.
John A Scott calls it 'the exhilaration of sin'.
This from Xavier Pons Messengers of Eros:
"The practices that society frowns upon are often labeled perversions. There is something both exhilarating and constrictive about them - the exhilaration of being at once different and true to one's own nature, and the constriction that comes from the risk of being found out and of paying the price for one's transgressions. At bottom it is perhaps this delicate balance between gratification and apprehension that is enjoyable."
I think it is more about the idea of the unspeakable. The idea that there is an unspeakable thing. I am always drawn towards what can't be said. It is my job to find the words because there are always words to be found. I remember being fascinated by the idea of describing colour. It must have been primary school, I remember sitting in class and imagining how you would speak red or blue or my favourite colour, that colour of the sea when it is not blue and not green but something close to both those colours and with sunlight infusing the whole palate with a kind of glow.
Perhaps the idea of animal sex is like the idea of speaking colour. When I watch the pornographic images on the forbidden websites I shake my head. This isn't the language of bestial love. There is no love for one thing, there is little pleasure for another. I prefer to imagine still images, the image of a collie leaping into the air to catch a stick, all that playfulness and erratic energy, the image of a child curled into a canine hug, the image of a girl with her head resting on the shoulder of her pony, the slick of sweat outlining flank and cheek. The gorgeousness of transgression, the joy of it, and yet, also the darkness, the fear, the hidden thought of it.
John A Scott calls it 'the exhilaration of sin'.
This from Xavier Pons Messengers of Eros:
"The practices that society frowns upon are often labeled perversions. There is something both exhilarating and constrictive about them - the exhilaration of being at once different and true to one's own nature, and the constriction that comes from the risk of being found out and of paying the price for one's transgressions. At bottom it is perhaps this delicate balance between gratification and apprehension that is enjoyable."
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Encounters with Animals: Dogs 2
She sleep with the rest of the pack. One long bed made of discarded mattresses. It takes up most of the floor space in the lounge room. The lounge suite pushed out and away towards the far reaches of the room. The lounge chairs are used, often. One dog or another will lope up onto them and settle their great haunches on the frayed upholstery. The scent of dog so strong that you would barely imagine a human lives here too. She does. One human, she leads the pack most times, Alpha female, pitching her voice low as she growls and snarls at one dog or another, asserting her position as defender and provider.
I wonder about sex. Surely this pack is not entirely sexless. There are female dogs and males all in together. None of them desexed, all of them a raging pack of hormones. And then she, the human amongst them, isolated from her natural tribe. I wonder if she masturbates beside them, breathing in the stale wet scent of dogs who have been swimming in the ocean. I wonder if she lets one dog mount another, if she watches, if she chastises and separates. I just wonder.
I wonder about sex. Surely this pack is not entirely sexless. There are female dogs and males all in together. None of them desexed, all of them a raging pack of hormones. And then she, the human amongst them, isolated from her natural tribe. I wonder if she masturbates beside them, breathing in the stale wet scent of dogs who have been swimming in the ocean. I wonder if she lets one dog mount another, if she watches, if she chastises and separates. I just wonder.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Encounters with Animals: Dogs
We grew up as a pack. The dogs often outnumbered the humans in the house. Sometimes I thought we were living by dog rules and not human rules at all. Other children certainly did not live as we did, crowded into a bed taken up by paws and doggy breath and slightly oily fur. Other children were not told to sit on the floor if the dogs had, by chance, beaten you to the lounge chair. I remember feeling the injustice of the idea that our labrador was left at home when we went to see The Empire Strikes back. She would never experience that opening night queue. She would not be able to find some resolution to the story until it came out on video years later.
Sometimes at night I would lie beside her, she always slept on my bed, and I would cry into her fur. She seemed to know when I was upset. I was a happy child during the day but I had nightmares and I often cried myself to sleep. Night times were the worst. I would press my face into her stomach and I would whisper "You are my real mother."
Some girls dream that they are a real princess, I dreamed that I was my dog's daughter.
Sometimes at night I would lie beside her, she always slept on my bed, and I would cry into her fur. She seemed to know when I was upset. I was a happy child during the day but I had nightmares and I often cried myself to sleep. Night times were the worst. I would press my face into her stomach and I would whisper "You are my real mother."
Some girls dream that they are a real princess, I dreamed that I was my dog's daughter.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Dog Live on Cam 2
She is wearing a coat and glasses and I suspect, a wig. She has a porn star body. I suppose she is working. This is not a home made labour of love. I am concerned for her. I am concerned about the conditions of her employment. She seems cheerful enough as she lets the dog jump and leap onto her chest and then steps away, but I know it is an act. Danes have the longest claws.
She takes her coat off, keeps the sunglasses on. Anonymity. I wonder if what she is about to do is illegal. She is playful with the Dane. He licks her vagina immediately. I am certain he has been trained. Again an ethical nightmare. Still he seems to enjoy his task and she is playful in return. I wonder about the camera. Who is it that is filming her. What is their relationship?
I am aroused.
I am aroused because I am watching something I shouldn't be watching. I am aroused because of what I am about to see. I am aroused because I am nervous. It is not difficult to arouse me. Sometimes all it takes is the mention of sex. The sight of the girl without her clothes would be enough. I am aroused but I am on edge with it. I keep trying to figure out if this is a bad thing to do. It is a free site. I am not contributing money to any unethical business. There is no actual sign of abuse. Perhaps the girl is having as much fun as she seems to be. She laughs. The dog wags its tail. There is pleasure here. His penis emerges from it's sheath. She is long legged this girl and when she crouches she is just the right size for a Dane to mount. He leaps up onto her back and begins to thrust. It isn't clear if he has found the right orifice and in a second she rolls over and spreads her legs and he licks her there. I see the clitoris and know what it must feel like to be licked like that. But is she aroused? The dog is clearly aroused. They repeat this game of kneeling, being mounted, the little jiggling of his hips, the rolling away. It is expert and for the camera. She is a performer. This much is clear. It goes on for so long I wonder about his claws and the scratches that must be gathering on her skin although none of this is visible to the camera. I am aroused but not in the way I often am, unable to operate without a moment alone in the bathroom. My arousal is complicated. I am not sure if an orgasm would bring me much relief.
Am I a bad person for even contemplating this kind of act? What of the people who do not perform for money, what of the humans who can't contemplate sex with a member of their own kind. What about a more domestic coupling, the best friend kind of relationship between dog and girl.
The climax happens quickly and I can't be sure the thick white stuff trickling from her cunt is semen at all. Certainly the dog's penis was in there. The image showed the penetration and the animal leaping off, but there are tricks in the game and this video is part of the game. I imagine they put a condom on the dog. I imagine that this is thick white paste inserted into her, displayed now for the camera. There was certainly a break in continuity just before the come shot. Still, a quibble. This is the first bestial coupling I have seen. I know I will have to watch more. There are at least eight free videos on this site. Some seem home made. Maybe these will be the kind of thing I have come here for, the window into my soul. The next time I write something about this I will engage with the act in all its complexity. No love, but perhaps this puppy playfulness, a small moment of relief in what may be a very dark space indeed.
She takes her coat off, keeps the sunglasses on. Anonymity. I wonder if what she is about to do is illegal. She is playful with the Dane. He licks her vagina immediately. I am certain he has been trained. Again an ethical nightmare. Still he seems to enjoy his task and she is playful in return. I wonder about the camera. Who is it that is filming her. What is their relationship?
I am aroused.
I am aroused because I am watching something I shouldn't be watching. I am aroused because of what I am about to see. I am aroused because I am nervous. It is not difficult to arouse me. Sometimes all it takes is the mention of sex. The sight of the girl without her clothes would be enough. I am aroused but I am on edge with it. I keep trying to figure out if this is a bad thing to do. It is a free site. I am not contributing money to any unethical business. There is no actual sign of abuse. Perhaps the girl is having as much fun as she seems to be. She laughs. The dog wags its tail. There is pleasure here. His penis emerges from it's sheath. She is long legged this girl and when she crouches she is just the right size for a Dane to mount. He leaps up onto her back and begins to thrust. It isn't clear if he has found the right orifice and in a second she rolls over and spreads her legs and he licks her there. I see the clitoris and know what it must feel like to be licked like that. But is she aroused? The dog is clearly aroused. They repeat this game of kneeling, being mounted, the little jiggling of his hips, the rolling away. It is expert and for the camera. She is a performer. This much is clear. It goes on for so long I wonder about his claws and the scratches that must be gathering on her skin although none of this is visible to the camera. I am aroused but not in the way I often am, unable to operate without a moment alone in the bathroom. My arousal is complicated. I am not sure if an orgasm would bring me much relief.
Am I a bad person for even contemplating this kind of act? What of the people who do not perform for money, what of the humans who can't contemplate sex with a member of their own kind. What about a more domestic coupling, the best friend kind of relationship between dog and girl.
The climax happens quickly and I can't be sure the thick white stuff trickling from her cunt is semen at all. Certainly the dog's penis was in there. The image showed the penetration and the animal leaping off, but there are tricks in the game and this video is part of the game. I imagine they put a condom on the dog. I imagine that this is thick white paste inserted into her, displayed now for the camera. There was certainly a break in continuity just before the come shot. Still, a quibble. This is the first bestial coupling I have seen. I know I will have to watch more. There are at least eight free videos on this site. Some seem home made. Maybe these will be the kind of thing I have come here for, the window into my soul. The next time I write something about this I will engage with the act in all its complexity. No love, but perhaps this puppy playfulness, a small moment of relief in what may be a very dark space indeed.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dugong 2
The belly is soft and feels like the underside of a snake. He has a penis there. Inverted I suspect, hidden in his body and prepared to slip out when erect and into mine. I am aware that this is possible, his body and mine, connected in this way. I am frightened by the idea, flattered, curious. I touch his body and am surprised by the softness of it. On top he is a carpet of barnacles. If he were to swim past and brush against me I would be cut and torn. His paws are gentle but firm, hugging me to him. I am afraid of drowning. I am more afraid of drowning than the strength in his thick warm boy. His eyes are dark and if he were a human I would call them soulful. He is ugly but also beautiful, that odd mix of things that I am prone to like. I am aware that this would be an adventure and one that women seldom have.
Sailors, it is said coupled with female dugongs spawning mermaid myths. I imagine this creature, here, now, sidling up to a sailing ship and calling mournfully up to the crew. Do dugongs have voices like wales or dolphins? Do dugongs have song?
I am frightened and yet if I could breath under water I might swim with him out to sea. The locals tell me he is bereft. They mate for life and his partner was killed over a year ago. I imagine he is love lorn. It is flattering to be the object of such attention.
A dolphin's penis is sickle shaped and pink, almost red. I wonder about the penis of a dugong. I wonder as he clamps his paws harder around my stomach and moves his powerful tail, towing us further out to sea. I am out of my depth. I push away from him gently and kick back to where my husband is waiting, anxiously on the beach.
Sailors, it is said coupled with female dugongs spawning mermaid myths. I imagine this creature, here, now, sidling up to a sailing ship and calling mournfully up to the crew. Do dugongs have voices like wales or dolphins? Do dugongs have song?
I am frightened and yet if I could breath under water I might swim with him out to sea. The locals tell me he is bereft. They mate for life and his partner was killed over a year ago. I imagine he is love lorn. It is flattering to be the object of such attention.
A dolphin's penis is sickle shaped and pink, almost red. I wonder about the penis of a dugong. I wonder as he clamps his paws harder around my stomach and moves his powerful tail, towing us further out to sea. I am out of my depth. I push away from him gently and kick back to where my husband is waiting, anxiously on the beach.
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