I have been quiet of late. My book made it out into the world and the reviews have flawed me. People like this book. It is difficult to look back a few months and remember how distressed I was. I remember saying that if I was going to die any time soon I would prefer that I died before my book launch so that I wouldn't have to face any of it.
I am now glad to be alive. Alive, and finally enjoying the process. I am enjoying the people who like the book, the positive feedback, the book tour, the events. I am still terrified each time I have to get up on a stage but not I am proud to be there standing up for a book I am proud of.
I have started a new thing. I have space now, with the terror abated. I have made a good start and I am beginning to find joy in the writing again. Baby steps. These small moments of pleasure for now. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow and then the next day. One sucker punch from the wrong person and I will be down again for the count.
For now, thanks to the people who prop me up and the ones who believe in me. I am up now, and tentatively walking out into a future that looks surprisingly calm and bright. Day by day. Day by dat.
