What happened to that Video Footage

We filed it before the internet had even been imagined. Handicams were rare but we had one and we used it. It was exciting to perform it for the camera. He wanted to do anal sex because it seemed somehow more extreme even though it was an ordinary part of our repertoire. The fact that he was moving my hips so that the camera might watch us more closely made me excited. He did things to me that he never did without this mechanical audience. He showed me to it, opened my orifices and let the camera see what he was getting in to. I spilled my breasts into my palms and licked them, shuffling closer to the lens, a performance for this new and whirring lover. Richard leaned over and we sucked at them together, letting the camera watch, winking at it as if they shared a secret.

We watched the footage over and over and when we thought we had had enough of it, one or the other of us would become excited by the sight of our own genitals and begin the performance just one more time, just one more time, and again and again.

We were sore and satiated and hungry all at once. We lay back in the sweat and juice of our pillows and touched each other's skin as if we were new to each other. We decided we might show the footage to our lovers when we found them, letting them watch us alone as they joined us in the real world. We thought that would be exciting for everyone concerned even though we weren't as toned and tanned and augmented as the couples in real pornos. We thought the humanness of the situation made it more erotic.

For a while we watched the footage almost every time we were alone. We never showed it to one of our lovers. It became a little secret between us and we didn't feel the need to share.

I don't know why we stopped watching it. We moved on, I guess, got bored, as lovers tend to do. It was labeled "Fantasia" because we liked the irony, Walt Disney / Anal Penetration. I don't know what happened to the tape. I'd like to think the tore it up in those sad, hard days before the separation. These were the days before the internet, but it is possible that someone found Fantasia and watched it and somehow digitised it and uploaded it to U-tube. Vintage backyard porn. I should worry about it, but I don't. I think about those old reels of film mouldering in people's cellars till they were restored by collectors decades later. I would like to be that plump and smiling girl on the swing, all sepia striped socks and a huge bush, a crackling image of her swinging onto the face of some other Victorian lass with long curly hair and a taste for minge. I would like to be forever young and voracious when all the children of my friends have grown old and tired of sex. My last grasp at immortality if my novels never amount to anything. I suppose we all want to live forever.

I wonder what happened to that video footage after all these years.