so here is this pain. Again. All pain seems to stem from my heart, as in bad love songs. Heart hurt. Damn. Damn this terrible ache that makes me feel like just one of the sad sorry sentimental crowd. This dull ache is what makes me embrace the clean sting of sexuality. The physical abandon that does not connect with any of this awful insecure-making heart breaking hurt.
I am no different from the herd. I am lowing, and chewing my cud and sobbing over love-gone-wrong songs. I am not proud of this. I am resentful. I am angry hurt heart. Angry angry heart. Heart and hurt and love and awful, awful.
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