Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Internet boys

She sat beside me in class. It is hard not to look at her breasts because they are large but also because she wears clothes that show them off in a rather suggestive way. She is gorgeous, really, so smart and really quite gregarious. She reminds me of a younger version of myself. We talk about sex. She likes sex quite a lot. It is easy to pick a fellow addict and she is one it is clear.

"I had a little cry today," she says. "A boy I met on the internet saw a picture of me and told me I was too fat."

My heart clenches. I remember.

"The internet is a cruel place." I say.

"I don't know how else to meet men."

There is only a bunch of years between me and her. I feel my skin becoming thinner. Her flesh is mine. I identify too closely. If I think about it too hard I become her. The horror of each new interaction. The opening up to the same taunts and terrors that made the school yard into a war zone.

"Fuck him." I say.

She says "Sure. That's what I thought, but I still had to have a little cry."

No comments: