When all is said and done there is quite a stack of things piled up on the 'said' side of things and not so much 'done'.
Things have become reversed. There was a time when I said nothing and it was all about the body and the things that it might say in the absence of speech.
It is not as if I am completely inert. I am still prone to running into the ocean fully clothed. I will climb down to the river and get mud on my shoes. I have raced out on the kayack in the thick dark without a light. I ride and ride and ride some days just to clear my head. I am still in my body and in the world in a physical way, but I say 'I love' and 'I long' and 'I would like to' and it is all talk. A great big heap of talk because I will not follow through with my body as once I would. But I still fall in love. And when you write what you did, you make it difficult for me to maintain a discreet distance.
I love my ever-constant boyfriend with a passion that is unfathomable, therefore this gnawing love that cannot be named is piled up with the heap of things that are said and left undone.
Undone.
An appropriate word in the given circumstances.
3 comments:
I still haven't run into the ocean fully-clothed. I've always wanted to...
fuck it is fun. Then it gets cold. Then whoever drove you there in their car gets cranky with you for getting salt water on the upholstery then maybe you have to take your wet clothes off and put someone else's jumper on which is inevitably too small and it makes you feel ugly, particularly with your naked thighs on display, then you go home and have a cry, but the fully clothed ocean thing was actually worth it.
I'll try not to think of the consequences and just run in there sometime :-)
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