stereotype

A Stereotype is: a process, now often replaced by more advanced methods, for making metal printing plates by taking a mold of composed type or the like in papier-mâché or other material and then taking from this mold a cast in type metal.

I am a process of moulding and remoulding

I am a replica of myself presented to the world in a form that is repeatable.

I am not myself and yet I am repeated and repeated day after day in stories that are like the original in all ways and yet, when examined close up you will find that I am not present in the representation of myself. I am not here and no one knows me. I have been 'known' by so many and yet they each have their own distinct and untrue image imprinted on their skin. I am not there and maybe I was never there to know.

It is an unlikely confidant who listens to the secret fears and insecurities. He sees me as I see myself, another illusion perhaps, the gnomic ugliness of my inner monologue twisting the reality into something that others may not recognise.

He knows that I am my own worst enemy, taking the mold, casting, re-molding, the vapid repetition of my sex, a cunt repeated and repeatable like a piece of yoni jewelry made in bronze. I fuck therefore I am. My mouth drips expletives, my body sheds the memories of hands and tongues and penises, a drift that falls in my wake like dandruff, dry and shapeless white noise.

The sex is nothing to me. The sex is sex. It always has been sex. The secret things, the longings and the insecurities, the picking at my own frayed sanity is reserved for those I call upon in the hour of need, a tiny inner circle. One person at a time. Someone who listens to the car wreck of my life, over and over, each head-on collision paring me down to basics. Brain-stem function, knee jerk reaction. My friend. My secret friend. My imaginary friend. Until that friend has watched the traffic accident of my life so often that they bore of their role as spectator. Then they turn and walk away and I am left to my butting against my life, alone and unobserved.