In the moment of sleep, the images sink from my mind and enter my body more completely. There is of course the coloured flashes that we all read about, the racing from one barely related thought to the next. There is the random, but somehow linked procession of people and places and ideas, and mine are fleshy and lustful, the same a moment before sleep as they have been all throughout the day. The tiresome orgy of touch and feel, and I barely notice the depravity of them. They have become so commonplace.
Then the sudden sinking. The thoughts melting into my body. My body ingesting sex and becoming sex. The moment of perfection, gone as soon as it is here. I feel it low in my belly, this coming together of mine and me, this perfect fusion. I feel a kick of it on the underside of my pubis. It is like the kick of orgasm or the sudden shifting of a child reaching out through my skin. Sometimes it wakes me. Sometimes it is connected to a face, a friend, someone I have spoken to during the day, someone who would be appalled at my sudden coupling of their image and this sexual surge.
I am never embarrassed. I blink into the space that is left by the idea of sleep chased off into the wakeful night. I take a moment to remember the person who hovers in the static left by the proximity of dreaming. Him or her. Someone who, in other circumstances might have become my lover. Someone who has remained chaste, but dear to me. My attractions are indiscriminate at these times. It might be someone beautiful or someone less so, either way, for a moment they have merged with my lust and I am at peace with this.
My friends. My acquaintances. My loves. My plunging into sleep.
I close my eyes and begin the process of falling anew.
3 comments:
A wonderful post. You describe it so well, so vividly.
I usually wake up just a bit embarassed, then perhaps months later I'll be drinking with them and I'll suddenly blurt it out. You have an excuse if it's a dream. But then some I would never tell because it migth cause tension, or because the dream itself was bizzare.
I always find the ones with inanimate objects the strangest.
Sometimes it's nice too when a celebrity or character shows up. I was recently visited by a guy who was supposedly Freddie Mercury but looked more like Gael Garcia Bernal. Why did I have to wake up?
LM
Oh, I always tell. My friends often hate me for my candidness (Christopher?), but they always get to hear what they are up to in my dreams.
and that reminds me of something I really should blog about...
"You're a loose cannon FV"
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