Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Sex Writers

They turn up occasionally on television or in a magazine. The sex writers. The people who have brought you to orgasm any number of times, crouching furtively behind your laptops glancing at the drawn curtains or the locked door as if it might suddenly swing open to the uninvited hoards.

The writers of sex suddenly appear on a talk show, or in a special guest spot on a sit-com. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and look at the sex writer, live, for one appearance only! It is a freak show, and they are singularly freakish, grossly overweight, myopic, squinting up into the bright lights of their exposure, blinking like some wormy creature dragged from the safe warm darkness of someone else's excrement.

Never forget: the people who have no difficulty getting it, barely think about it, rarely want it, and need not articulate it. Imagine the fug of our collective longing wafting up from all the ugly people smelling of sweat and semen and a lifetime of rejection. It is the overlooked amongst you who can bring you the greatest pleasure and every time you glance at us in pity or in disgust, you are just generating material for your own reading pleasure.

Please enjoy.

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