Spit or Swallow

It seems impolite to spit on the first date.

This is a new person, this naked body full of curious smells, scars in unexpected places, hair or hairlessness, a stray tattoo emerging from its hiding place, a pleasant surprise. This body is a history, a childhood, a teenage angst, this is the lover of strangers and someone's child, awkward and perhaps trembling and maybe a little suspicious of the casual way you picked him off the street and brought him to your home.

There is the dance of fingers, tongues, the threat of teeth on skin. There is the touching of this strange new body, watching the gentle rise of a penis that has not yet divulged the whole of its story.

You are on your knees eventually at any rate. When all the teasing has been teased out there is always oral sex. Your mouth is full and it relieves you of the pressure to speak. You have said too much already. You have used words that seem obvious to you, words like 'cock' and 'fuck' and 'cunt', but when you said those words his eyes widened and you knew that maybe you had overstepped that invisible line that you are always crossing unintentionally.

Spit or swallow. You will need to make a choice now. You know it is close because of the salty slipperiness on your tongue, not an unpleasant taste but one that gives you pause. You pause. You take breath. You will need to pull away or you must be prepared to swallow when the moment comes.

This is a first date therefore you will swallow. You always swallow on a first date out of politeness. No mess to clean, no tissues, and he may not want to kiss you when you have finished, which will save you from the more invasive intimacy of his tongue against yours.

There will be space afterwards for you to take your pleasure slowly. There will be a moment of rest in which he will be dazzed and slow and happy and in this space you can play unhindered, finding other parts of his body to rub against, taking what you need without the distractions of his inexperience.

He will never be as confident in sex as you. Not the boys you like, the fine examples of geekdom, the loners and the crazed and the sad young men. They warn you with a small pressure of their hands that you should pull away now, the model of politeness, and, filled with first date etiquette, you hold fast till it is done.