Apotemnophilia (apo: away from; temp: to pull; philia: attachemt to) describes people who are aroused by the idea of the loss of a limb or body part. - The encyclopedia of unusual sexual practices by Brenda Love
The writing and the painting distracts me from the body. Sometimes handcuffs are enough to silence me. The soft ones I bought with the fur fabric and the metal fastenings that jingle like spilled coins. My arms stretched out where they are useless to me. I can not put pen to paper. I am arrested mid sentence but it is child's play really. This is a vanilla silencing of my favoured method of communication.
The amputation of my arms is like my tongue hacked roughly from my head. Suddenly I would be thrown into a silence that excavates my body from the mud of mediocrity. I ignore my body in so many ways. I bring my hands to it. I am lazy this way. I lift my breasts into my mouth, I press my fingers into it. The body itself is inert. My hands speak for it.
The removal of my arms would see it squirming towards it's own worm-like satisfaction. It must search for things to press against, struggle towards the objects that might fill it. My art would be a scrambling in the earth and clay and here are my words, read like footprints in the mud. My words leave tracks. Only the sharp of eye, the observant ones will hear me as I scramble out my un-armed lust.
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